The Decline of Respect and Customs in Xhosa Culture

Goldie Qayiya talks of how her parents raised her to be a respectful woman, and how that and other customs have slowly started to disappear.

Childhood Lessons

©Eric Miller

One day, I was leaving church with my mother when two old ladies in front of us, Ester and Wesley, stopped to talk. They said to my mother, 'Your daughter is always so beautifully respectful to us, asking us how we are, with such a lovely smile.' This filled her with pride. It made me feel happy, too. I still have a great respect for elderly people. The lessons of childhood go deep.

Losing Customs

©Eric Miller

Things were better in those days. There is not so much respect anymore and even the old people are losing their customs. We all accept and take it for granted that if a young woman goes to Johannesburg, for example, she will copy the style of the Jo'burg people and even exaggerate it because she is trying so hard to fit in.

She forgets all about her traditional laws. But these laws ensured our safety. When I was young, children as old as 10 could go outside naked to play. There was no danger of being hurt or raped. Everybody walking past would see the child as an innocent person deserving their care and protection and would smile and walk on. Things were much better, in so many ways.

Today, a man who kills others is jailed for only two weeks, then he gets bail. Then he kills again, over and over. We know these people, in our community. Yes, we are free these days. But now that we are free, what are people doing? Children are killed, in this freedom.

By Jo-Anne Smetherham