Terrible Stress
My son Lennox, who is not right in the head, wanted to kill me. That's why the door of my bedroom is so messed up. He was trying to break open the door saying he wanted to kill me. I was crying for help. My other son Kenneth was trying to hold him back but I can't even tell you the strength Lennox had.
It was a terrible stress. Afterwards, I went to my friend Constance to cool my heart. We got on to our knees. 'Help me, oh God,' we prayed. 'You are the mighty one, and you know my heart, my every depression. Oh God, help me. I asked you for children, and you gave them to me. Now I have children, but everything is going wrong.
Please help me again. I am losing hope. Be my hope, I pray to you.' After we had prayed, Constance said to me: 'You know there is a child of the Devil? Well, you are the child of God. He is not far away, and his heart is not hardened to you. Be strong in praying, because every moment, even in your sleep and in your sorrows, he is with you.
By giving you some hardship, he is also moulding you to be right for him. So don't lose hope. You have passed through so much, and he was there. He will be with you until you die.' Her words strengthened me. Yes, it is these two things, my friends and my faith, that keep me going.
Getting Help
And now, I have done something about Lennox. He doesn't know it, but on Monday the social workers are going to come and take him to Lentegeur Psychiatric Hospital. I've discussed it with his daughter and we agreed this is what must happen, and we have organised it. This is going to help me a lot.
You know, among all the positive things in my life, there is one more that I rejoice about. It is that my outside appearance doesn't show my suffering. I like my outside appearance, because it's promising. It's only I who know the real position in which I stand inside. Others can't tell from looking at me. You know, it has been good to talk about all these things. It's difficult, but I like coughing it out. Each time I do so, it makes things that little bit better. It really helps me, to tell my story.
By Jo-Anne Smetherham