Izindaba zogogo – Umshado wama ngokwesiko lesiXhosa

UGoldie Qayiya no Felicia Mfamana masixoxela ngendlela ezahlukile abashada ngazo ngesiXhosa. UGoldie washada ngoba wayekhethelwe umkhwenyane, uFelicia yena wathwala – zombili lezindlela zokushadwa zamukelekile kwaXhosa.

Goldie Qayiya

©Eric Miller
Owaseyakuba umkhwenyana wami uOtto, wakhulela emakhaya kulendawo mina ndomndeni wami esasihlala kuyo. Ukuqala kwam ukumbono uOtto ngangivela kwi kholeji lapho ekuqeqeshelwa khona otisha. Ngagibuya estolo, wathi mayengibona wangimemeza ethi ngize kuye, waye umuntu othandekayo wangibuza ukuthi ngihlala kuphi, mangiphinda ngimbona, kwayi pathi lethu lomembeso.

uOtto wangibhalela incwadi ecela umshado. Kwakubalulekile kuye ukwazi ukuthi nami ngiyafuna ukushada naye. Kule ncwadi wathi mengabe ngivuma ukushada naye, uzocela ubaba wakhe ukuthi azo khuluma nobaba wami. Kodwa ngasengiphindele ekholeji mayifika incwadi, abazali bami bayivula bayinfunda. Abazange bangibuze ukuthi mina ngifunani, ubaba wavele wathi, “Goldie, uzo shada.”

The Arranged Marriage

Sashada emuveni kweminyaka emibili, ngo Disemba. UOtto wakhipha izinkomo eziyishumi, nehashe, ngaso kanye lesosikhathi esasishado ngaso. Ngangisaba. Ngangingafuni ukushada neze. Sashadela eAnglican Church, masiphuma esontweni saya kwa Otto lapho wonke umuntu wayesilinde khona, bejabulile. Safika sabingelela abantu, bese sangena endlini sayodla isidlo sasebusuku.

Masiqeda ukudla sahamba saya eholweni sayodansa kwaze kwasa, salalele umculu we jazz ne kwela umculo ka Spokes Mashiyane, owaye ngusaziwayo omkhulu ngesikhathi sethu.

Felicia Mfamana

©Eric Miller
Kwa Xhosa kunezinhlobo ezimbili zomshado, futhi ezisenzeka namnje. Mangabe indoda ithwala umfazi, akubina mshado, nangubo emhlophe, futhi nje akunalutho lo wesifazane angakwenza. Manje ngiyahleka, ngodwa ngalesosikhathi kwakungahlekisi. Udade womkhwenyana wami owayehlala nathi, futhi engangithembe kakhulu, nguye owenza lokhu. Wangithumela ebhasini nomuntu engangingamazi. Yena lomuntu waye me kahle futhi emuhle. Kwakungekho lutho olungathadeki ngaye. Noma kwakunjalo ngangimsaba. “Kwenzakalani, ungisaphi?” Ngabuza.

Ubuso bakhe obuhle, baqala bashintsha ngaphambi kokuthi athi, “ngikusa ekhaya uzobawumfazi wami.” Qede wathi, “kudala ngifuna lokhu kwenzeke, manje sengikutholile.” Ngaqala ngakhala. Nganginga funi ukushiya ubaba wami kanjalo. Ubaba wayengumuntu ozihambela isonto. Owayesakuba umkhwenyana wami wathi kumela ngizwisisane naye, kudala efuna ngibe umfazi wakhe, khumbula isiko lethu likakuvumela lokhu.

Umndeni ka Felicia omusha

©Eric Miller
Ibhasi yasihambisa ekhayeni lakhe lapho kwaku nemizi emini kwijalidi. Umuzi owodwa kwaku umuzi wasisi wakhe uNoyiswa, lapho ngafika ngahlala khona ngesonto lokuqala. Ngalelo langa khala ubusuku bonke. Kwafika emqondweni wami ngalelo langa ukuthi ubuntombi bami buphelile.

Emuveni kokuphela kwesonto wathumela amadoda amabili ukuthi ehambe eyotshela ubaba ukuthi ngiphi. “Uthatha indodakazi yami, ungakhulumanga nami kuqala!” Ubaba wayethukuthele impela. “Kumele usinikezi izinkomo eziyishumi, neyodwa eyokuxolisa,” kusho ubaba. Amalungiselelo omshado enziwa kulo Milton. Wonke umndeni wakhe wawukhona, Kodwa ubaba akazange akwazi ukuza. Kwakukude kakhulu.

Ixhega lakulendawo sasikuyo laza lazosishadisa. “Manje seniyi ndoda nomfazi, igama lakho uNothozamile,” washo. Walandela ngokuthi, manje usunomndeni omusha, awuseyona ingane. Manje sekumele uziphathe njengomfazi. Kwashatshwa imbuzi, kwenziwa nesitambu, namasaladi azohambisana nale nyama.